Letter 8: Drink their tears

When I was 8, I was labeled “ex-communicado”. This was the slang for students who were once under the protection of a school prefect or respected senior student, only to be cast aside, used for menial errands, and satisfying maschosistic tendencies. Bottomline, I was hated, for reasons known and unknown.

Such was my fate at my first boarding school. I left for other schools, but my experience with hate didn’t end there. The shadow of hatred continued to follow me into adulthood. Jealous classmates propagated baseless rumors to tarnish my reputation. Colleagues, driven by malice, sought to derail my career advancement. Landlords, in acts of petty spite, restricted my access to basic necessities like water. Even faceless individuals on the internet took pleasure in dissecting and criticizing aspects of my appearance.

Oh, how I wish someone could have assured my younger self that it was okay, even empowering, to be the subject of other's disdain. In this letter, I will share tips on how to drink your hater’s tears and bask in the joy of being a thorn in someone's flesh.

They hate you, and so what?

To find the courage to be hated, you need to accept three truths.

1. Not everyone will like you.

2. People are going to have negative opinions about you and will express it openly.

3. No 1 & No 2 doesn’t matter as long as you are pleased with yourself and how you live your life.

Have you heard the story about the Donkey and the Man.

If you haven’t, here is how the story goes:

A man was traveling with his donkey. Along the journey, they encountered several people who made comments about the man walking while his donkey was idle. In response to the criticism, the man decided to ride the donkey instead.

As they continued their journey, they passed by others who criticized the man for making his donkey carry the load while he rode comfortably. Feeling ashamed, the man decided to carry the donkey on his back instead.

However, as they approached the next town, bystanders ridiculed the man for carrying the donkey, calling him foolish and impractical. Frustrated and confused by the conflicting criticisms, the man didn't know what to do.

In the end, no matter what the man did, he couldn't please everyone.

What's the moral of the story?

It's impossible to satisfy every critic.

Categories of haters

In my opinion, these are the types of haters you would likely meet.

1. Misery Merchants: These haters spread misery like it's their job, except they don't discriminate - everyone gets a taste of their venomous tongue.

2. The Frowners: They can't quite put their finger on why they dislike you, but seeing your face ties their stomachs in knots. Maybe they'll lighten up once they realize you're not the trigger they think you are.

3. Rage Bombers: Your existence is the excuse for everything wrong in their lives. Watch out for these ones; they're armed with revenge and ready to blame you for their mess.

How to Drink Their Tears

1. Don’t let the opinions of others define you.

   You are the only one allowed that power. You lose it when you let people’s expressions of hatred change you, unless it’s for the better.

2. Success is the sweetest revenge. 

   The Bible ate with this line: “Prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” It’s such a pleasure to win in front of haters. When you feel like giving up, remember that some people derive pleasure from seeing you fail. Starve them of that satisfaction.

3. Choose your tribe.

   Surround yourself with those who uplift you and fill your life with positivity and love. Focus on pleasing those who truly matter to you, as they are the ones who accept you for who you are, flaws and all. Their support will drown out the noise of negativity from others.

4. Strive to become the best version of yourself.

   Don’t give your haters ammunition to be used against you. Don’t be an asshole, or indulge in dirty habits that only serve to harm you or others.

5. Retailate with wisdom.

   Know when to turn the other cheek and when to strive back. Retailation isn’t always necessary, but neither is being a doormat. No one makes it in life by being a pushover, so have your sense of justice.

6. Focus on your life.

   Mind the business that pays you. Don't let the mere existence of haters consume your thoughts and energy.

Everyone is a hater

It would be hyprocitical to present myself as a beacon of love and light. I don’t like everyone. I would argue that some people are deserving of my dislike. However, regardless of how we may perceive or view people, always obey the golden rule: