Letter 9: How to See People For Who They Are

It starts great in the beginning. You know, the first few weeks, months and even years, when you meet someone special.

“They are perfect,” you assume.

“The connection we share is deep and profound," you conclude.

Until the day it blows up in your face and you're forced to realize that the angel you once knew, no longer exists or never even existed.

Most people wear masks. These people have mastered the art of playing pretend. If you are genuine, innocent, with poor discerning skills, you are going to get eaten by the wolves. I, too, have fallen victim to deceptive individuals whose sole purpose is to extinguish your light, and drain your energy.

In this letter, I’ll share witth you tested and proven ways to see people for who they really are.

1. Stop filling in gaps

Our minds are programmed to make assumptions and fill in information gaps based on our feelings towards others.

For instance, when we encounter a beautiful woman who consistently offers a helping hand, we automatically assume she is kind, generous, and inherently good.

Manipulators in today's world easily camouflage in sheep clothing, blending into the crowd, benefiting from our stereotypes and cognitive biases.

When you believe you have found someone special, refrain from making hasty assumptions about their qualities, as more often than not, it is merely an act.

2. Ask, probe and ask some more

Top companies such as Apple, Google, and Meta invest in thorough background checks before hiring employees. The same principle applies to countries that welcome immigrants. So why, then, would you allow just anyone into your life?

While it may be morally and legally wrong to be sneaky and invade someone's privacy, you must exercise caution when allowing individuals to enter your life.

Regardless of how much you may be drawn to them or how well the connection seems, it is crucial to ask questions. They may either reveal the truth, leaving the decision to you, or they may lie.

But the funny thing about liars, is that they slip up, and get caught. Personally, I advocate for looking people up on social media, as their digital footprint can reveal a great deal about them. Ask, probe, and ask some more. It is a necessary step to safeguard yourself in this nasty world.

3. When people reveal who they are, believe them.

Whether through their words or actions, people unveil their true nature. While people can lie to you, only a fool lies to themselves. No matter how skilled a manipulator may be, the cracks in their facade will eventually appear and when your gut tells you something is amiss, trust it. When red flags start waving in your face, take it as a sign to walk away.

4. Know when to cut em’ lose.

Not everyone deserves unlimited grace and forgiveness. Not everyone you meet and like deserves a place in your life.

I’m a firm believer in cutting people off. My scissors are always sharp. I hold a high level of respect for myself, and if you do not accord me with the same level of respect, I don't care who you are, you're out the door.

I hope you hold the same standard for yourself. You have the full responsibility of creating the life you desire. The quality of people you choose to surround yourself with will greatly impact your life.

Your days are numbered, so I advise you to spend them in bliss rather than nursing wounds inflicted by someone you feel guilty or weak to cut off. No one is the main character of your story. You have the power to close the chapter on a person and move forward with your life.

Bonus Tip: ✨

Don't make the foolish mistake of revealing everything about yourself to someone you have just met. Your dreams, fears, traumas, insecurities, and personal history are core things that should only be shared with someone who has consistently proven over the span of years to hold nothing but pure love for you. Even then, I would advise you to write it in a journal and keep your mouth shut.

What I’ve been listening to:

I love discovering new artists, and Aqyila perfectly describes the complex feeling of standing at crossroads with someone who is dear to you but toxic.

Check out the song: