I hear you're not officially in your 20s, till you're 21.

Today, I kiss goodbye to childhood. 

I wish I could say it was easy. That it was filled with sweet nothings and candied memories but no!

At 8, I had left home.

By 18, I wish I didn’t.

All the friends I hugged and held, whispering promises to never leave, to raise our kids together, are now strangers in their own world I know nothing about.

All the things I swore I’ll never do, I did without looking at a manual.

I created a mountain and placed my target at the peak.

“This is the height you have to reach by 21” I told myself.

I’m 21 now, and life directed me to a path that’s mapped far away from the mountain, which is nothing but a pine cone, once alive but no longer.

I thought I knew how the world works.

The colour-coded library was my haven. Soaking up “Think & Grow Rich”, “Goals”, “Beyond Talent” on Friday nights after school.

Blushing at the compliment;

“Isn’t that book too advanced for your age”

I thought I knew how the world works.

I was 11, when I followed my mom to a conference.

A lawyer with great vigor in his speech and a charisma that could finely slice through butter, posed a question.

My head swelled when amongst the adult, my raised hand was acknowledged and I delivered an answer.

“You are smart girl with a bright future” the man remarked and the crowd went wild for me.

I hope I never forget those words..

Because many times I didn’t see the possibility of a bright future.

I’ve tasted pain that has made me craved death and when death came knocking, I begged for pain.

No one will know how hard it’s been for me. Pulling myself up, all the times that life’s knocked me over.

Navigating through the thorns, broken shells, and razors bedded in my path.

Life has taught me to be strong. But I had to fight to keep my smile.

To protect the glimmer in my eyes.

To keep seeing the world for her bright colours.

Luckily, with scars to show for it, I’ve won that fight.

I beat my chest and say, I’m prepared. You don’t walk through fire and be afraid of the flame.

You don’t sleep in the wild, and run away at a bark.

So Life bring it on.

Whatever it is, you know I’m a stronger match.

But I have a plea, that you realize that maybe it’s time to turn tables.

That the way I had to struggle to stay float and keep my head above water, should be the way I dance, my feet kissing the ground.

That I start seeing the light in my tunnel.

Let the dark clouds fade away and I’m serenaded by pink chirping birds and blue-winged butterflies.

Let magic become a reality.

Wishes, a daily routine

Prayers, a gratitude list.

Above all, keep the slashers away. 

The girl is not weak, but the girl wants to know how to be soft.