Letter 6: Loving is Flawed.

Love is pure; loving however, is flawed.

We can’t handle more than we have the capacity for, and since we humans are inherently imperfect, the way we love ourselves and others will fall short of perfection.

Does this mean our love is any less valuable or meaningless? No!

Like broken glass that still reflects dazzling light, our flaws and imperfections position us to love in a way that’s warm and passionate.

Love doesn't demand perfection; instead, it invites you to unmask, undress and reveal your scars. You might wonder,

"What’s the guarantee?"

That when you expose your pain, guiding their fingers to the wounds where you’ve been stabbed, they won’t pick up the knife and stab you again when your back is turned?

I have a confession to make. I find myself falling in love, but I’m consumed with fear. I’m terrified that if I love too hard and express it so openly, it will push the other person away.

Recently, I let this fear take control of my actions. I followed the popular belief that there is safety in numbers. Rationalizing that if I had 1, 2, 3 people in my boat, it would hurt less if the one I love goes away. I was wrong, and now I realise how foolish I had been.

This situation made me realise I was operating from a wounded place. In the past, I have loved and eaten dust. So, I was afraid to open my heart again.

However, when he sat me down, held my hand, and reassured me that it was safe to fall, I knew his words were sincere and he would be there to catch me.

There’s no guarantee you’ll win at love, yet it's precisely this uncertainty that renders love invaluable. If a man refuses to go outside because he has been chased by a dog, he’ll miss out on the beauty of a sunrise, the untouched snow or the joy of a warm summer breeze on his skin. If we let our fears and past dictate our actions, we miss out on the ineffable joy that love brings.

Love requires a leap of faith, trusting that the person we choose to love will handle our wounds with care and compassion. There are no assurances, but we can experience the full spectrum of human emotions. It gives us the chance to connect deeply with another soul, to share our joys and sorrows. To grow together. Love reminds us that we are not alone, that we are seen and valued for who we truly are.

Genuine love can’t be bought.

Genuine love can’t be faked.

Genuine love will never rot.

How to love as an imperfect person in an imperfect world

1. Find an anchor.

   A steadfast sanctuary or wellspring that continuously bathes you in love. This might be your faith (if you're religious), your loved ones, your passion, music, art—whatever brings you joy, peace, and a sense of belonging.

2. Embrace self-acceptance and self-compassion.

   You are not perfect, and that's okay. Love yourself for who you are, all your icks and beige flags. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Remember that you are deserving of love, just as you are.

3. Have empathy.

   Remember, we're all stumbling through life, fighting our individual battles. So, offer support and compassion. Walk in someone else's shoes, feel their struggles, and share in their triumphs. This will help you develop love for others, despite their imperfections.

4. Talk things out!

   Be willing to have open and honest conversations with your loved ones. Share your fears, insecurities, and struggles. Be receptive to their feedback, even if it's tough to hear, and take the time to truly understand where they're coming from. Proper communication is the cornerstone of trust and stronger relationships.

5. Forgive! Resentment shouldn’t be a ship in your harbour.

   You won’t always act right, same goes for the other person. Forgive yourself for your missteps and forgive others for theirs. Clinging to grudges only clips the wings of love. Instead, choose forgiveness as a way to let go of misunderstanding, conflict and create space for healing and growth.

6. Focus on the present moment. 

   Why rush? Why worry about the future? If today is all you have, why not savour every minute. Worrying about what would be and what might happen is a sure way to miss out on the symphony of love. Stay present in the now, and cherish the time you have to dance with love.

7. Ask for help, lean on a shoulder.

   When you need it, don’t hesistate to reach out to those rooting for you in your corner. They will provide the guidance, encouragement, and support you need to navigate the curveballs an imperfect love will throw your way.

What I’ve been listening to:

My anchor is music, I believe that for every emotion I feel, there’s a song that encapuslates it.

Just like this one: