Letter 3: Suffering must have a Purpose.

"I don't want to suffer"

Sorry to break it to you, but you will. You can’t run or hide from it. It will find you at every point of your life. Suffering is every man's ordeal. An inevitable part of the human experience. Whether we like it or not, challenges, setbacks and moments of pain find their way into our lives.

Wealth doesn't escape suffering.

Beauty doesn't avoid suffering.

Race doesn't elude suffering.

Gender doesn't sidestep suffering.

Age doesn't bypass suffering.

I’m sure you get my point by now.

Why do you Suffer?

I'm a firm believer that your pain doesn't have to be in vain. Whenever you are in a situation that causes your heart to break, dig deep to find the root cause of that suffering. Ask yourself these four questions as a sort of litmus test:

1. Am I suffering from an external or internal cause?

Like the Nigerians say;

“Am I doing myself or is something doing me?”

Begin by looking closely at your pain. Is the storm from outside, beyond your grip? Or is it a tempest born within your thoughts, beliefs, or choices? Knowing where it brews is the first dance towards healing.

2. Is my suffering within my control?

Babies dying in Palestine have no say in their plight, but I think for you my dear, there are aspects of the situation that you have control over. Take a close look at what's going on.

Can you do something about it? 

If yes, think about what you can change or do to make things better. Know that even in tough times, you have the power to make a difference, you only need the strength to rewrite your story.

3. What lessons can I learn from this suffering?

Dive into the chance to grow and learn when pain knocks at your door. Like a wise teacher, suffering holds lessons that can sculpt you into a stronger, wiser version of yourself.

4. Am I holding onto this suffering unnecessarily?

You are stretching out your pain by gripping on to negative feelings, grudges, and resentment. Let go!

I know this is easier said than done, however I heard an advice years ago that has helped me in my daily life:

Man Know Thyself -Socrates

Most times, we are the architects of our own suffering. Whether it stems from a lack of self-love, naivety, or plain chaos energy, understanding the source is crucial. If you find yourself caught in repeated patterns of suffering, it's time to pull out the chair, sit with yourself, and ask why.

This means making a deliberate effort to understand your motivation, triggers and habitual responses. Head up! It’s going to be a tough process, but then, this is something worth suffering for.

I highly recommend this book. “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. The author did a great job of illustrating how trauma shapes our body, mind and soul, and what we can do to heal.

Turning Grief to Gospel: How to Deal with Suffering

This is my number one life hack on handling suffering: “Turn grief to gospel.” I believe that pain caused by loss and suffering is a powerful energy that can be alchemized into something positive, if you let it.

As a writer, I create my best works when I write from a deep-seated place of pain. The same holds true for singers, but you don't need to have artistic talent to do this as well.

I recommend starting a passion project, something you would devote your time to whenever you think of your pain. I don't mean opting for a new hobby as an escape route. No, I mean translating the hurt into something tangible that other people can see, hear, read, or touch. It is such a transformative experience, and a wholesome way to ease your body, mind, and soul from the negative energy suffering brings.

Finally, know that suffering comes in waves. Our only hope is that we have the strength to surf over every wave that comes - big and small.

What I’ve been listening to:

You seem to like my music recommendations, and I’m happy about that 😊. If you are a fan of rap music like me, then you have to check out this Russian artist. I promise, he is more than what you may expect.

Check out Miyagi:

Wrapping it Up:

I’m done with my exams and the semester is over for me. As a treat for myself, I booked a staycation at Radisson Blue Vilnius. I documented my experience and would share it soon on Youtube. Biko nu, 🙏 subscribe and turn on post notifications. It would make my day. Till next time.